For the average secret sociopath that oozes charm and projects an uncontrived sense of normalcy, such as myself, it is extremely easy to find yourself in an awkward social situation. The main reason being that you don’t come off half as charming or normal as you think you do. In fact, more likely than not, you’re seen as a narcissistic prick. Luckily for you, alcohol exists and it seems to do a decent job at temporarily sheltering the often-offended, semi-conservative and highly regretful pool of women you’ve managed to sleep with, from your truly obnoxious and inappropriate self. Unfortunately for you, none of these women stay drunk their entire lives and will eventually grow tired of your tom foolery, only to go on and find someone with a stable mental background and excellent credit score. If this sounds familiar at all, odds have it that you are the perpetual Eskimo Brother.
For the laymen out there, I am not referring to the Inuit spirit guide you imagined during your last acid trip or Sarah Palin’s indentured man-servant with whom you bear a slight resemblance, but rather, a person with whom you share a common sexual conquest. So for those of you who scare women into long term relationships for fear of having to deal with someone else just like you, the following is a breakdown of the Eskimo Brother hierarchy and a guide on how to conduct yourself in the event of an impromptu “family reunion.”