To my chagrin, my parents didn’t let me play the first Mortal Kombat when it came out. I mean, it’s understandable–I was like 5. But my friends had it, and since it’s really hard to get good at a game that you don’t have, I got trashed. Absolutely wrecked. The kind of drubbings that leave deep psychic wounds years later.
But if you’re my former nemeses Adam or David and you want to relive your glory days, or you simply love the fighting franchise, you should check out this lifelike full-size bust of Mortal Kombat’s most famous character, Sub-Zero. You can preorder it now from Sideshow Collectables for a cool $700. To be honest, it’s pretty creepy, especially since all you see are his eyes: basically, it’s not the thing you want in your bedroom if you’re ever hoping to bring a girl home. Inexplicably, there’s a smaller, discounted version for $619, because dude who’s dropping seven bills on a statue from a 20-year-old video game and movie is of course concerned it’s too big or too expensive.
I eventually did get Mortal Kombat 2, by the way. But I played it on Super Nintendo and it didn’t have any blood or even the “finish him” cutscene, and without the gore, what’s the point?