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I want you to peer into these cold lifeless eyes for a second.

Now, read this news blurb:

Kim was arrested a week after falsely reporting, under a stolen identity, that she was the victim of domestic violence, according to a police news release.

Police said that, on the basis of the report, Kim had a 44-year-old Irvine businessman she had met on Koreancupid.com removed from his home. While the man was in custody, Kim robbed him, according to the release.

A detective matched her fingerprints to those in a criminal database after becoming suspicious of inconsistencies in her report.

Detectives have tracked Kim’s activities back to 2009, when the first known incident involving her occurred, according to the release.

Yoooooooooooooo!!

Imagine you’re just a lonely middle-aged Korean man whose only pleasures are playing golf and drinking some nasty ass soju after work. Or maybe you take comfort in a daily routine like rubbing your feet through your BYC socks while watching young beautiful Korean celebrities on game shows. You know, small pleasures to take the edge off. Then one day, one of your boys is like, ‘yo, I know you just got hipped to the internet but you should try internet dating. I seen it in the newspapers, so it’s all good”. And you’re all ‘nah bro, I’m a simple man that just goes to work on the humble and eats kimchee. I don’t need to sprinkle my sorry existence with false hopes and dreams.”

But late one night… you log on! It’s all good, he said it was in the newspaper.

You meet this chack. Look back at the photo above. Ooh, she’s young (the dude was 44-years old)! And she’s responsive throwing you little emoticons and ㅋㅋㅋㅋ’s (the Korean equivalent to “lol”). Could this be love? Probably not. But you figure, maybe I could possibly get a nut off. Right? Fingers crossed, praying to Tiger Woods.

And then… this happens. (In case you forgot)

Police said that, on the basis of the report, Kim had a 44-year-old Irvine businessman she had met on Koreancupid.com removed from his home. While the man was in custody, Kim robbed him, according to the release.

Aiight, I’m half crying and laughing at this point. But on a serious note, this is why older Asian men need to learn basic English.

Enjoy the rest of your night, folks.

[ via Angryasianman via LA TIMES]

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founded Gumship in 2012 to document the Asian American experience through culture, lifestyle and entertainment. When he's not blogging, he creates music as the rapper Rekstizzy. Hobbies include ramen, fried chicken, and pizza. If he could eat all three at the same time, the joy in his heart would cause him to levitate off the floor in a spiral motion.