Being that I live in the United States, it’s pretty hard to get into the World Cup. People just aren’t that excited about it which is pretty sad. I mean the whole world is into it except us. But being that I’m also Chinese, I really just can’t get into it. You know when was the last time China was in the World Cup? 2002.

I look at my Korean friends, my Japanese friends, and I see them all having a ball rooting for their home country. But I can’t even partake in that kind of ethnic pride. Of course I’ll cheer for the U.S. because I love this country but still, it would be cool to have a team that I can rally behind with my Chinese peoples.

I mean what sports are we good at? First two that come to mind are ping-pong and gymnastics. The fuck is that? “Ay bruh, I’m having a get together at my house later tonight. Ping-pong semi-finals yo.”

“Nice try, bitch!”

But what about gymnastics, that’s fun isn’t it? Not for me. I mean who gets hyped watching gymnastics? Also, watching little teenagers twirling around is mad pedo vibes.

But why she hatin’ doeee…

The thing I realized while researching Chinese athletes is that they tend to dominate in routine sports like diving and gymnastics, something that can be perfected overtime without an opponent providing the factor of unpredictability. That’s why the Chinese do so well in the Olympics, a competition that has plenty of these routine based events.

When it comes to soccer, the Chinese simply don’t have the sport as deeply ingrained into their culture as say Brazilians, where nearly every child grows up playing the sport. China also doesn’t have the vast number of youth leagues to foster athletes like we have here in the U.S. We’re too busy taking over the world.

In past international games, China’s most embarrassing loss was to a Thai team which consisted of mostly of kids under 21 years old. Even though it was a friendly pre-season match, Chinese fans were outraged and rioted over the 1-5 loss. Check out the slaughter below.

I guess the whole point of this is that I wish the Chinese dominated in a more open ended competitive sport. A sport that I can look at and be like “yeah, we’re holding it down right now.” Chinese American star athletes like Jeremy Lin are so rare, they’re like shooting stars. I pray for our time to come but for now, guess I’ll just cheer on the USA and my other Asian brothers.

  • wheres badminton doe

    “nice try, bitch!”

  • real talk toby

    seriously, you chinese have over a billion people, and all you need is 11 people that know how to kick and run… you can start by looking in the mountain temples of shoalin… but something tells me this is mostly due to poor genetics and poor soccer system. 😀

    btw: I thought JLin claims taiwanese? I know it’s basically the same thing by most people in China… but if so, you technically have 2 soccer teams .. the taiwanese national team and chinese…. too bad BOTH are ranked in the 100+

    • Howard Yew

      True, Lin is Taiwanese. Hong Kong also has a team! But they’re not so hot either :/