Tila Tequila used to be everywhere.

She was hot on the import scene back in the day for being bubbly and petite. And then she blew up for having the most friends on Myspace (before Facebook happened) and starring in her own reality show A Shot at Love (and of course, the sequel A Shot at Love II). The fame train ain’t stop there like it does for most famous-for-being-famous folk as she became a tabloid fixture for getting engaged to Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson. But after Johnson passed away, Tila began only popping up for unfortunate shit like getting pelted with rocks and bottles at The Gathering of the Juggalos.

She been on a wild ride but in order to stay relevant, she had to reinvent herself.

The latest might be the greatest though. She’s on YouTube talking about magic, living on Mars, and is now actively spreading anti-semitism through blogs and dressing up like a nazi. I MEAN, SHE CALLING HERSELF HITILA, YO!

See for yourself:

I’m not part of that world so if there are any neo-nazis or conspiracy theorists out there, let me know if she’s dropping knowledge. I really can’t tell. All I know is when your voice goes up at the end of every sentence, you sound like you’re either whining, being really defensive, or making some shit up. Probably all three.

But maybe she does possess some type of magic, because I can’t look away.

Peep A Spiritual Guide to Waking Up & Finding Your Soul Purpose where she uploads a flick of herself rocking the Ah! My Goddess jewel on her forehead and whispers RPG video game dialogue into your ear for over 10 minutes.


So, when Vivid Entertainment announced Tila would be releasing a new video, I was pretty excited. Yeah, I know it’s being marketed as a sextape but yo, that’s how you reel ’em in and smack them with the undiluted real words!

What a disappointment.

There was no illuminati shit. No mention of the new world zionists that exist in the fourth dimension. She didn’t have any brain farts trying to recall which galaxy she originally came from where she had to fight the power in the original Garden of Eden on Mars. I’m trying to see theĀ furls in her brow from knowledge of which mainstream artists are illuminati and the righteous almost-tears she fights back as she rattles off pre-emptive rebuttals against the inevitable YouTube commentator heathens who are too blind to see the TRUTH. But nah, all Tila wanna do is is swallow dick and take it in the butt like there isn’t a war going on out here. Even worse, she’s squirting all over the place, making a damned mess for the cleaning lady.

I do not recommend this film and I suggest everyone head to her official website and leave a comment letting her know that she let me down. It’s not at top of the page where she placed a ‘sexy samurai’ shoot photo by the words Freedom Fighters in her headline, you have to look towards the middle of the page with all the un-ironic usage of dramatic clouds wallpaper.

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founded Gumship in 2012 to document the Asian American experience through culture, lifestyle and entertainment. When he's not blogging, he creates music as the rapper Rekstizzy. Hobbies include ramen, fried chicken, and pizza. If he could eat all three at the same time, the joy in his heart would cause him to levitate off the floor in a spiral motion.
  • Yan Kusa OO

    Pretty fucked up I say

  • Caasi Seyer

    Best candidate for Shrink Magazine’s Cover girl. And she just had a baby girl. The future is really bright for that unfortunate child.